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THE
TRUE STORY OF HAMISH MCLEAN - HAMISH THE PIG
or as
we like and know his as PIGASUS!
Long ago, and far away there
lived a tribe of Scots. What they were doing long
ago is anyone's guess. (Make your own stories up!!)
This bunch of Scots had been sheep herders at one
point but got fed up chasing them around the hills.
The good looking sheep always knew when they were
about! As they got more and more fed up they tried
to figure out what they wanted to do. Some wanted to
farm, some wanted to reive and others wanted to do
nothing.
One of them decided to rear pigs,
for what reason no-one knows and he probably didn't
either! He started by swiping someone else's piglets
and hand reared them. Come on here! Everyone's got
to start somewhere! Came the time to slaughter them,
this Seamus didn't have the heart to kill them
himself so sent them elsewhere to have the foul deed
done.
However, his favourite managed to
escape and decided to try and get home. He Trotted
off down the hill and managed to avoid the villagers
but got thirsty! So the wee pig nips down to the
river to get a drink....only to get caught in the
local waterwheel. His noise was indescribable (and
I'm not going to try!) and the locals rushed out to
see what the chuff was happening, to see the wee pig
caught by the ears in the wheel. Several attempts
were made to pull him free but all that did was make
his ears bigger. Finally they got him free and he
belted out of there as fast as he could. (No manners
pigs!)
So he's still trying to get home when a gust of wind
caught him and lifted him into the air - 'This'll do
for ME' thought the pig, possibly in Pig Latin (and
in a precurser to Billy Connoly's accent too!), and
away he went. However he didn't have a clue where to
look for Seamus and took a couple of years to get
home. He went via Liverpool, Mull, Iona, Dundee and
Tennessee - just about anywhere he thought Paul (aka
in another life: Seamus) might be but no luck!
Now Seamus hadn't been doing too well at the pig
breeding lark and was in debt up to his eyeballs.
The local Laird came for his annual rent but old
Seamus was skint! He promised that he'd pay within
the month when his brew money came through. The
Laird stated furiously 'I'll believe that when pigs
fly'. Unfortunately he wasn't looking up at the time
and Hamish flattened him. He peered at Hamish, his
eyes went the size of saucers and he promptly
dropped dead of a heart attack,................
no-one said Hamish was good looking!!
You may think this is the story of
Hamish. However it's two in one. Pigs can fly and
you can see pictures of Hamish doing just that on
www.macleanscotland.co.uk but it also gives the
real story of how Scotland came to be ruled by pig
keepers (Sty Wards)! ...... And don't let them tell
you their name's from Stewards either! Don't believe
me?? Ask Hamish! They did think for a time to have
Hamish as their Clan mascot but they thought they
might be accused of telling porkies! Hamish last
seen chasing Rupert to try and get some Denny &
Dunipace tartan aff him!
How Hamish became involved with a
certain Pipe Band is another story
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